Dealing with conflict
You’ve hurt someone – do you know how to repair things:
Here’s one methodology :
- Own your role: communicate that you understand how you hurt them. Focus solely on them, not your own feelings. By owning your role, you let a person know they matter to you.
- Don’t defend: resist the urge to defend yourself or your actions. This will feel scary and vulnerable, but it will help the person resolve their pain. Keep breathing when you feel uncomfortable.
- Let them get it out: when we hurt people, they need to be able to communicate how they feel. Let them express themselves. Don’t interrupt. Don’t try to deflect. The more you resist this, the less likely the person will be able to move forward.
- Ask “How can I be better next time?”: listen to what a person will need in the future from you. If this is something you’re capable of giving, then commit to it and honor your word.
- Be the secure base: everyone heals from pain differently. If they need some space or time, let them have it. Reassure them that you’re here and ready to work on the relationship. Don’t try to change or fix how they feel.
Working through conflict can actually be so healing for both people. It will establish trust and let the person know you’re committed to working as a team.